🌿 Freshly Baked - Edible Delights,
Exotic Exhale
Made on order, to ensure that they are freshly, made and packed.
Lead time on orders: 5-10 working days, depending on area and region.
📜 Exotic Exhale - Freshly Baked - Goods Terms and Conditions . 📜
By purchasing, possessing, consuming, looking at, or simply knowing about Exotic Exhale - Freshly Baked, you agree to the following totally binding, completely rational terms:
Consent to Chaos
You acknowledge that consuming Exotic Exhale — Freshly Baked may cause excessive snacking, spontaneous philosophizing, irrational giggling, and a strong desire to become a woodland cryptid.
Mandatory
Waiver of Normal Human Behaviour
Upon ingestion, you relinquish your right to "act normal" for 6–72 hours. Side effects include:
- Interpretive dance battles
- Aggressively befriending squirrels
- Believing your hands are tiny celebrities
Binding
No Lawsuits, No Mercy
You agree not to sue Exotic Exhale or its affiliates even if you accidentally text your ex, adopt a traffic cone as your child, or claim diplomatic immunity from your responsibilities.
Non-negotiable
Snack God Ascension Clause
Consuming an entire package solo grants automatic Snack God Tier status. Responsibilities include:
- Judging others for weak snacking
- Speaking only in riddles and crumbs
- Demanding tribute (preferably nachos)
Highly Encouraged
Reality Distortion Disclaimer
If you encounter alternate timelines, hyperintelligent couches, or snack-themed spirit guides, you accept that this was always your destiny. No refunds.
As Expected
Existential Crisis Bonus Round
For every 10 cookies consumed, you are entitled to one (1) free spiralling existential crisis. Offer not valid in dimensions where gravity is a suggestion.
Limited Offer